Tailgating me will not make me drive faster. If anything, I will slow down or tap my brakes at you. I can only go as fast as the car in front of me, and I will not tailgate them in an attempt to make them tailgate the person in front of them to get them to increase their speed.
BE PATIENT!
"You know what? You look good in red."
Um, thanks...but I'm wearing pink and purple today.
Stupid color-blind candy wrapper.
$14.98 (2 for $28.50)
Eye-Catching "Tree Face" puts a friendly smile in your yard! Realistically rendered in textured "bark", this set of facial features is sure to charm all who pass by. Your "cheery" tree will become the talk of the neighborhood! Eyes, nose and mouth are each approximately 4" with attached hangers.
Friendly? More like creepy. Trees shouldn't have faces. And you betcha your tree will become the talk of the neighborhood...and possibly an item for discussion on the agenda of the next HOA meeting.
$9.98 Now $5.50 Now 2 for $10.50
Look how time flies! Friends, family, co-workers - they'll all be laughing when they see this crazy novelty clock whizzing through the air with its wings flapping and its hands spinning furiously around the dial! Suspend from any ceiling with included hardware, give it a gentle push and watch time fly! Not a working timepiece - this one is just for laughs. 5" H with 13" wingspan. Uses 2 AA batteries (not included).
My favorite thing about this one is that the clock doesn't actually work.
$7.98
is an essential tool for the home stylist! Cape resembles an inverted umbrella to catch clippings as you trim, so neck, clothes and floor are protected. Special upturned “lip” along outer edge contains loose hairs until you’re ready to discard them, saves you time during clean-up—no tedious sweeping or vacuuming needed! Slips over head and secures with self-close tabs; adjusts to fit neck size. Folds to store. Nylon. 22" diam.
Reminds me of the lamp shade collars that dogs get to keep them from licking wounds.
$19.98
Slimming Shapers™ smooth the way to a trimmer-looking figure! Clothes will fit better as trouble spots are minimized. Control begins just below your bra to just above the knee. Well-placed support panels provide extra lift exactly where you want it most, without binding. Nylon/Spandex blend. Order by hip size: Small (34-38"), Med. (36-42"), Large (40-46"), XL (44-50"), XXL (48-54"). Imported.
Is anyone else convinced that the models are two different people?
This one's not on the web any more, but fortunately I had clipped the item from the print catalog. The clip-art before and after pictures are so convincing I ordered three of them!
3/10/06 - Dove chocolates are marketed to women, not men. I opened one up and the wrapper said, "Today is definitely a bubble bath day!" on it. The idea of a chocolate wrapper saying that to a man made me dissolve into a fit of giggles! It also brings to mind the Friends episode where Chandler discovers the beauty of the bubble bath.
3/13/06 AM - The writer of the Dove messages should be fired. This is so lame! "When two hearts race, they both win." Like, gag me with a pitchfork!
3/13/06 PM - Apparently it's another bubble bath day according to my afternoon Dove chocolate.
Dove chocolate in the morning, chocolate cake for lunch, Dove chocolate in the afternoon...my word. You'd think I was hormonal.
Oh, wait. I am.
3/14/06 So the Dove wisdom for the day is, "Be fearless." I was thinking I'd go stand in the middle of LBJ freeway at lunch.
