It's Not a Holiday for the Grammar Police

So B & I went to Cici's Pizza for lunch (do not ask me why because I'll just blame it on hormones). This Cici's is located in a strip mall. There is a hair salon a couple of doors down from the restaurant. The sign claimed that it was "Ken's Salon's." I turned to B and asked, "Ken's Salon's WHAT?"

And then later this afternoon, I was in the grocery store and spotted a man wearing a t-shirt that stated the following, "You'd better buy me another beer because your still ugly." Your still ugly WHAT? Dude, you'd better have another beer because you're still stupid!!!

Why do they do that?

I was on my way to shoot a wedding last night and drove through Burger King for my requisite hamburger to tide me over until I could grab a bite at the reception. The order box addressed me and a woman's voice said, "Welcome to Burger King! May I take your order?" So I placed my order, and then a man's voice confirmed what I had requested. Why do fast food companies feel the need to have a recording greet the person at the order box? Surely it can't be a labor cost issue. How much more trouble is it for a real person, the person actually taking my order, to greet me?

Olfactory nerves

I think one of the most clever marketing schemes of restaurant companies is to enable potential customers to smell their food from miles away. Subway fans their freshly baked bread scent outside the store. You can smell an Auntie Anne's Pretzels or a Cinnabon location from across the mall. And steak places have that great grilled smell emanating from the kitchen into the parking lot, making your mouth water before you ever set foot into the restaurant.

So you can imagine my horror when I pulled up to the drive-thru speaker at Taco Bell and got a whiff of the COW MANURE FERTILIZER that had just been placed on the plants below the order box. The smell was so strong it made me gag and I thought I was going to lose my afternoon snack right there. Ooof. I know Taco Bell isn't known for its great-smelling food, but cow manure is carrying it a touch too far.

The good news is that my burrito didn't taste anything like the fertilizer.

New Management

Just thought everyone should know that the sushi located at the United grocery store in Abilene, Texas on Buffalo Gap Road is under new management.

Picture to follow this evening, hopefully. Sadly, Sprint PCS picture mail is currently down for routine maintenance (shouldn't that be done at some early morning hour when most of their users are sleeping?!). I am supposed to try again later.

Useless instructions

My Tangerine Sours Altoids tin has the following sentence on it, "Replace lid between use."

Word Cloud

My word cloud from this blog, courtesy of www.snapshirts.com .

Instructions for Morons

I was cleaning out the crisper drawer in our refrigerator. This drawer is the width of the inside of the fridge and maybe 6" shy of the depth of the fridge. Printed on the bottom of the drawer was the following, "Hand wash with warm water and mild soap only. Do not put in dishwasher." Um, ok, well, the drawer wouldn't FIT into most dishwashers!

Good ol' home cookin'

A gourmet chef I am not. My favorite, well-used cookbook is called, "Desperation Dinners: Home-cooked meals for frantic families in 20 minutes flat." I have two friends who absolutely adore cooking and baking and have wonderful blogs detailing their various creations complete with yummy pictures that make me want to grab a fork and stab the monitor in an attempt to get a taste. Sadly, I am not one of these people and tonight's dinner was great evidence of that.

First on the menu was going to be chicken caesar tortellini salad, which consists of green leaf lettuce, three-cheese tortellini, pre-cooked southwest chicken strips (I hate dealing with raw poultry unless absolutely necessary), light caesar dressing, and freshly grated parmesan cheese. The lettuce was about a week old, wilted and browning, so I threw it out.

Then I thought I would make home-made pizza, so I pulled out the Boboli thin crust, put it on the pizza stone, preheated the oven to 450° (relying on my oven thermometer and not the thermostat), pulled out the bottled pizza sauce, and went looking for the mozzarella cheese, only to find we had none. For a very brief moment I considered using the Mexican blend cheese we had, but thought better.

I bagged up the pizza crust and went on to plan number three - boil the tortellini and make spaghetti sauce using the seasoning packet and an 8 ounce can of tomato sauce. Well, unless you really like the flavor of junior high cafeteria spaghetti sauce, I do not recommend creating your spaghetti sauce this way. For the record, when I do make spaghetti, I use my mom's recipe, which is much fancier and thicker than tomato sauce with some spices thrown in. I poured the spaghetti sauce down the drain and desperation set in.

I had tortellini already cooked, drained, and sitting waiting for the right sauce. I went hunting through the fridge trying to find a suitable complement to the pasta. Mayonnaise? No. Ketchup? Ugh. BBQ Sauce? Are you nuts? My eyes finally settled on a small jar of pesto tucked into a corner of the fridge. I scooped a quarter cup into a bowl, added a tablespoon of water, stirred to mix it up, and then threw it on top of the tortellini. I added the freshly grated parmesan cheese, and voila! We had dinner. It was quite yummy, though I know it wasn't the healthiest thing I could have made.

People will buy anything, part deux

From costco.com -



TimeMug is a fusion of fashion and function. Ideal for both hot and cold beverages, the 16oz capacity and cup holder-friendly shape makes for a perfect companion on the go.

TimeMug has an airtight, liquid-tight and heat resistant seal engineered to protect the Swiss movement timepiece. TimeMug also features a rubber-sealing lid, slide tab, stainless steel interior and a non-slip, scratch-resistant base.



Set of two, 16oz TimeMugs
Colors: Apple Green and Christian Blue, Aria Pink and Paloma Purple or Alfonso Black and Original Clear
Top rack dishwasher safe, hand washing recommended

***
The colors are reminiscent of the ipod Minis. Why it's useful to have a clock inside your travel coffee mug will always remain a mystery to me.

---

A remarkable 5.08 ct princess cut one-of-a-kind diamond ring in a platinum tiffany setting.
Platinum
Princess cut
Weight: 5.08 ct
Clarity: Internally Flawless (IF)
Color: Near Colorless (G)
Available in size 7; sizeable to any size (Costco does not provide this service)
This diamond comes with a Summation Of Appraisal certificate from the International Gemological Institute (IGI). This is to certify that the diamond described above is genuine, and has been independently examined in the laboratories of IGI.



What amazes me about this ring is that it carries a price tag of $86,999.99! I understand the rarity of such a large cut diamond being internally flawless, but my word. $86,999.99 would feed a lot of starving people!

Fine porcelain plastic

I have a pair of plastic sunglasses. On the inside of one earpiece is printed the following sentence, "Hand Polished China."

They're really light sunglasses to be made of china.

Best laid plans...

I spent an hour this evening diligently making out next week's lunch and dinner menus, planning my grocery list, clipping coupons, reviewing www.grocerygame.com to find the best deals, adding items to my Splash Shopper PDA software, only to arrive at Wal Mart and find that I had left the PDA in the synch cradle at home.

O2

While standing in line at Wal Mart this evening, I saw the following headline on the TV in the checkout line.

"White House mulls over regulating plant emissions."

I thought oxygen was good for the environment.

More Great Pregnancy T-Shirts

http://www.cafepress.com/buy/pregnancy/-/pv_design_details/pg_1/id_6445334/opt_/fpt_fXBa__DB___CXDc_Pz-X_7O__Dc/c_1/hlv_t

well, this was the only one that really impressed me, though there were some other funny ones out there. I grew weary of looking pretty quickly.

People Say the Dumbest Things

My poor coworker is 9 months pregnant. She's nearly 6 feet tall, and from the back you would never know she was about to be in labor at some point in the near future (she's due 4/15).

In the last month I have heard coworkers say the following to her:

"You're still here?" in an incredulous voice (no, I'm really invisible and you're hallucinating again)
"You're so BIG!" (yeah, every woman wants to hear this one. Someone did NOT read Dale Carnegie's book, How to Win Friends and Influence People)
"I want to see how big you are now!" (see comment above)

My word, people...didn't your mom teach you that if you don't have something kind to say, don't say anything?

I have a feeling I'm going to be a very mean, irritable, snappy, says-what-she-thinks-when-she-thinks-it pregnant woman some day. I am so ordering this shirt, too.

http://www.nappyhead.co.uk/acatalog/donotouchthebump.html

Weekend Observations # 2

I was attempting to pet a sun conure in a petstore this weekend. A man observing me says, “I’m getting away, his beak looks sharp. The same man 5 minutes later says, “How much are they?” $399.99 was the reply from the store clerk. The man said, “I’ll give you $350 for it right now.” Umm…ok. I don't think you need a bird, mister.

We drove past a nail salon on our way back to my parents' house from dinner. The marquee out front said, “We have friendly nail techs.” I guess that was probably more effective than, "Our nail techs are rude."

Fazoli’s is now hiring smiles.

Here is what is printed on my my chopsticks wrapper.

On one side - "Welcome to Chinese Restaurant. Please try your Nice Chinese Food With Chopsticks the traditional and typical of Chinese glonous history and cultural."

On the other side - "Learn how to use your chopsticks. Tuk under tnurnb and held firmly. Add second chcostick and hold it as you hold a pencil. Hold tirst chopstick in original position move the second one up and down now you can pick up anything:"

Back OFF, Buster!!!

Tailgating me will not make me drive faster. If anything, I will slow down or tap my brakes at you. I can only go as fast as the car in front of me, and I will not tailgate them in an attempt to make them tailgate the person in front of them to get them to increase their speed.

BE PATIENT!

Catalog window shopping

Love this dress but it is way too low cut for me.
http://www.newport-news.com/assets/prod_images/prod_5/6S1578A_5.jpg

Also love this one, but $90 is steep for a dress for which I have no occasion to wear.
http://www.newport-news.com/assets/prod_images/prod_5/6s0310a_5.jpg

This says grandma to me, but the watch is cool.
http://www.newport-news.com/assets/images/specialpages/wedding/0320_Wedding_04b.jpg

This is absolutely fantastic.
http://www.newport-news.com/assets/prod_images/prod_5/6s1776a_5.jpg

Ugh! A good friend MADE me try this style of top on during one of our shopping excursions. I daresay it is not a flattering look for anyone.
http://www.newport-news.com/assets/prod_images/prod_5/6s0725a_5.jpg

Not sure why, but I think this shoe is fantastic.
http://www.newport-news.com/assets/prod_images/prod_5/6s0072a_5.jpg

I have no words.
http://www.newport-news.com/assets/prod_images/prod_5/5s3294g_5.jpg

And the one they don't have a pic of on their website is of the wrap knit top. It's very unusual. It looks like a halter top with a lot of extra fabric at the waist that you can tie around you in various ways to get different looks.

$80 fruit!

A friend told me about these geometric marvels.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/1390088.stm

I want to crack some joke about not thinking outside the box...but I shall refrain.

T minus ???

Why do people feel the need to ask a very pregnant woman (in this case, my coworker), "Counting down the days?"

She doesn't know what day she's counting to!

PSA

Consuming only the broth in hot n sour soup will result in your waiter laughing at you for not eating the stuff in the soup.