Julia Child, I Am Not.

Do these look like sugar cookies to you?


I believe I posted previously about my greatest new cookbook, Small Batch Baking. I had made vanilla cupcakes and they were pretty yummy.

I had a craving for sugar cookies, and figured with my sister coming in last weekend that it would be fun to make the dough the night before she arrived, and then make cookies with my million and one cookie cutters the next day. The other sugar cookie recipe I have, which is from my friend Heidi and is so very, very yummy (though dairy-laden), makes entirely too many cookies for my needs so I turned to my small-batch cookbook.

I found this recipe:


And set to work making the batter. Can I just say that it is amazingly annoying and difficult to measure 1 tablespoon plus one teaspoon of egg? Anyway, since we're dairy-free in this household, I substituted Smart Balance light for the unsalted butter.

Well, apparently that is not a proper substitution, as the dough didn't quite cooperate. I knew I was in trouble when the directions said to turn the dough out onto a floured surface and knead it for 30 seconds. I was skeptical when I looked at my runny dough, and definitely knew something was wrong after I stuck my hand in the big pile of GOO. I had quite the time scraping the dough off with a silicone Pampered Chef spatula.

The dough looked and tasted like chocolate chip cookie dough without the chocolate chips, so I just reached into the cabinet, pulled out the Ghirardelli semi-sweet chips (which are dairy-free, of course) and eyeballed the amount.

I baked them according to the recipe time, plus another 7 minutes or so. I'm glad our new oven has a light inside.

The verdict on these cookies? They were ok for a last-minute improvisation, but I won't bother with that recipe again until/unless I can use real butter. They were rather crunchy and not like I like my chocolate chip cookies to taste. They weren't awful, and the entire dozen lasted only a day, but I will stick to my old chocolate chip cookie recipe in the future!

What in the world???

Product information
Key features
A colorful cushion with pockets that can keep a child's feet warm.
Easy to clean; machine wash, warm 104°F (40°C).

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/80129914

I really, really, really don't get this product. What child wants to wear a pillow on her feet? I know all mothers don't want their children to grow up so quickly, but inhibiting their ability to crawl and to walk is just wrong. What other purpose would this thing serve, seriously?!

What If???

This morning I met a couple of friends at a local hotel to attend an informational meeting on the North Texas Team in Training for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. One friend has set a goal to run a half-marathon today and I had told her I would go with her to the meeting, but that I wasn't making any promises on actually signing up.

Well...I decided to sign up and will be running the North Trails Half Marathon on May 18. I have a personal fundraising goal of $2000. If you'd like to donate, please visit my fundraising website. No amount is too small! I'm excited to be running and raising funds to help eradicate blood cancers. My friend's 18-month-old son has been battling leukemia for 6 months now. He is my main motivation. I'll share more of his story and a photo after I get her permission. :-)

About 45 minutes into the meeting, I got a phone call from Brad. I didn't answer my phone, which is typical for me if I'm tied up in a meeting or something of that sort. In fact, I turned the ringer off and put the phone in my pocket. After the meeting was over, I called him. He answered and I asked him what was up. He choked out, "We were in a car accident," and then I heard him say, "I can't talk to her," and handed the phone to his step-mom. I panicked, of course, and started firing questions at her, "What? Did he just say they were in a car accident? Is he ok? Is Nyssa ok? Where are they? What happened???" Poor woman - I didn't mean to assault her verbally with questions, but I couldn't help it. She said they were fine, that they were at the ER at Plano Presby in room 10 and they were waiting on the doctor to check Brad out. I told her I would be there shortly and jumped on the tollway to get to the hospital.

On my way southbound, I noticed traffic slowing down just after the Spring Creek exit. I didn't want to mess with a traffic jam, so I jumped off and took back roads. I briefly thought that the accident that was being cleared might have been the accident they were in. I glanced in my rearview mirror as I headed west down Spring Creek Parkway and thought that the white car on the tow truck could have been Brad's, but wasn't sure. I was glad I had gotten off the tollway and couldn't see the car up close.

I parked in the emergency room patient parking, figuring since my husband and daughter were in there that it was ok even though I wasn't a patient. Funny, the things we think about in moments like that. I rushed in and asked the person at the front desk, "Where is room 10?" She asked who I was there to see. "Brad and Nyssa S." was my reply. She snapped at me and said, "There can only be two visitors in the room. I snapped back, "I am her MOTHER." They opened the door and I speed-walked to room 10. Brad was on the gurney, in a neck brace and still strapped to the blue board that the paramedics had put him on to transport him. Nyssa was in her car seat (with the base attached) and she had some red glowing light thing taped to her toe. I have no idea what it was.

The doctor came in and examined Brad's and Nyssa's vitals, they were fine. Then a nurse came in a bit later and unstrapped Brad from the board. Then the radiologist came in and wheeled Brad away to get x-rays of his neck. Nothing is broken, thankfully! The doctor offered to get Brad a CT scan, but Brad declined since he hadn't lost consciousness.

The doctor wrote prescriptions for various pain pills and a muscle relaxer for Brad, and then discharged them. We drove home after grabbing lunch and dropping off the prescriptions to be filled.

So by now you are probably wondering how the accident happened. Brad was driving northbound on the tollway, heading home from running errands with Nyssa since I had that meeting this morning. There was a Cadillac stopped in the far left lane of the tollway. Apparently the car had completely run out of fuel. Brad changed lanes to avoid hitting the Caddy, and a car in the middle lane rear-ended him. Brad started to try and pull over on the shoulder of the road, but then got shaky so he just stopped and called 911. They sent DPS and the paramedics, because Brad told them he had hit his head. The 911 operator wouldn't let Brad off the phone after he told him that.

The DPS officer came to the hospital and told Brad that he had ticketed the Cadillac driver for being stopped on the roadway. He said they don't find fault, they just determine the cause of the accident. Would the accident have happened if the Cadillac hadn't been on the side of the road? No. The officer told us that we could get a copy of the accident report in 10 days (I think? I can't recall exactly now).

I hate to even try and ponder the what ifs. I can't seem to help it, though! What if the accident had been much, much worse? This morning before I left, Brad was fiddling with the base to Nyssa's car seat. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was fixing it - apparently when the Audi dealership detailed his car, they moved or removed the base and when they reinstalled it, they didn't put it in correctly. What if he hadn't realized something was wrong and hadn't fixed it?

But thankfully, the what ifs are just that. God protected my wonderful husband and sweet, sweet baby, and our family unit is intact.

Bored? Read your town's police blotter.

Some of my favorites...

1/13/2008 12:04:00AM Brief Narrative: 08004363 ELDORADO PKWY / RESEARCH RD
A known subject was found to be operating a motor vehicle while intoxicated due to a
traffic stop.

So the traffic stop caused the subject to become intoxicated? My 7th grade English teacher would have a hey-day (hay day?) with this one.

1/13/2008 9:37:00AM Brief Narrative: 08004462 5000 BLK LEBEAU LN
Unknown person(s) removed four wheels and tires from a vehicle without effective consent.

1/14/2008 11:28:00AM Brief Narrative: 08004793 2000 BLK DEL LARGO WAY
An unknown subject spray painted on the victim's brick home without consent.

The ones where they say, "without consent," just make me laugh. I have these visions of the thief knocking on the door and saying, "Excuse me, sir, do you mind if I remove your tires and wheels? Or spray paint your bricks?"

1/13/2008 10:50:00AM Brief Narrative: 08004482 11000 BLK ROGERS RD
Unknown actor(s) spray painted lengthy inscriptions on the exterior of both the public restroom facilities and the concession stand at Warren Sports Complex using pink spray paint.

I love that they included the color of the spray paint.


1/13/2008 3:33:00PM Brief Narrative: 08004540 7000 BLK PRESTON RD
Unknown white male pumped $112.43 worth of fuel and left the location without making any attempts to pay. Texas license plate returns to a stolen 1995 Ford F-150.

NIIIIIIIIIIIICE.


1/13/2008 413:00PM Brief Narrative: 08004541 12000 BLK PENICK WAY Unknown actor(s) spray painted "stop war" on victim's fence.

The use of the term "actor(s)" amuses me. I envision C-grade Hollywood movie actors making political statements.


1/13/2008 5:40:00PM Brief Narrative: 08004553 3000 BLK PRESTON RD
An unknown subject stole radio out of vehicle without owner's consent.

Another "without consent." Still cracks me up.


1/14/2008 10:09:00AM Brief Narrative: 08004770 2000 BLK HAGUE DR
An unknown subject forced entry into a home under construction and took a cabinet and bath fixture.

Ok, seriously. Who does this? A weekend warrior affected by the recession? Uh oh, honey...we're out of money for our bathroom remodel project and I still need a cabinet and bath fixture. Any ideas?


1/14/2008 1:53:00PM Brief Narrative: 08004828 7000 BLK EUBANKS ST
Unknown male subjects broke into vehicle and stole victim's stereo and other items.

Ok, I admit that this one isn't terribly funny unless you know my friend Lynn, and her bad luck with her cars, and the fact that not only was her radio stolen from her Honda Civic, but the entire panel, including the whole air conditioning unit in the front of the car, was removed!


1/14/2008 6:17:00PM Brief Narrative: 08004892 3000 BLK AUTUMN LN
Unknown subjects took lumber from construction site and drove away in red Ford van with red 16' trailer.

Subtle getaway car, no?


1/15/2008 8:35:00AM Brief Narrative: 08005152 12000 BLK EDEN LN
An unknown subject(s) took windows from a home under construction.

Again...who does this? What is the black market like for house parts???


1/16/2008 7:56:00AM Brief Narrative: 08005402 9000 BLK WADE BLVD
Unknown subject(s) took scaffolding from construction site without consent.

*sigh* What IS it with theft from construction sites?

1/16/2008 8:44:00AM Brief Narrative: 08005424 7000 BLK HICKORY ST
Unknown person(s) stole the gas out of the victim's truck without his consent.

HOW does a person do this? Seems like stealing it from the pump would be more pleasant?


1/16/2008 2:20:00PM Brief Narrative: 08005520 11000 BLK RESEARCH RD
Actor used City of Carrollton water meter to interrupt the public water supply.

I am having a hard time visualizing this one.


1/16/2008 2:32:00PM Brief Narrative: 08005528 5000 BLK TOWN & COUNTRY BLVD
Subject ordered pizza and did not pay for it.

Do you suppose it was a crank call?


1/16/2008 3:32-OOPM Brief Narrative: 08005552 10000 BLK BYRON DR
Unknown suspects took property from the victim's porch without permission.

I'm dying to know what the property was that was stolen. A swing? A plant? Giant concrete lions? If you are wanting the latter, I know where you can get two of them for free, you just have to be able to remove them from my inlaws' front porch. They'll give you permission, I promise.

1/16/2008 3:33:00PM Brief Narrative: 08005553 13000 BLK HONEY GROVE DR
Unknown actor took victims bicycle while it was parked in the bicycle rack at Pierce Elementary.

Aww, now that's just sad. Don't steal a kid's bike!

And for a couple that could have been prevented - consider this my PSA (Public Service Announcement):

1i16/2008 8A9.'00AM Brief Narrative: 08005428 12000 BLK 423 FM
Unknown subject(s) took victim's purse from her grocery cart without her consent.

Ladies, watch your purses. If you are going to put it in the grocery cart, do two things. Zip or snap it shut, and take the child safety strap and buckle it through a handle. It makes it a lot harder for someone to steal your purse that way. I can't tell you the number of times I have seen a woman standing five feet away from her cart, while her unzipped purse sits in the seat of the basket with the wallet in plain view.

1/14/2008 4:44:00PM Brief Narrative: 08004874 4000 BLK PRESTON RD
Unknown suspect took victim's driver license and credit cards out unlocked car in the parking lot of 24 Hour Fitness.

PEOPLE! LOCK YOUR CARS!!! And don't leave that stuff in your car!

Recalls and Eggs

I am utterly amused by this recall.

Nordstrom Recalls Taper and Votive Candles Due To Fire Hazard.

Granted, if you read the entire recall you will see that the coating on the outside of the candle is apparently flammable. I understand WHY they're recalling them, but it doesn't make it any less amusing to me.

On another, totally unrelated note (but I didn't feel like doing a whole separate blog entry for this one), one of my cookbooks offered the following advice for substitutions. If you need a substitute for one egg, you can use...(drum roll, please)...TWO EGG YOLKS! That's right, folks...just use two egg yolks in place of ONE EGG! I'm kind of thinking that if I don't have one egg, I am not going to have TWO egg yolks (which come from EGGS, right?) lying around.

Adult-sized Easy Bake Oven

I always wanted one of these as a kid. I never got one and have thought from time to time that I should buy myself one now just to see what all the hype was about. I'm sure in time Nyssa will ask for one and I can check out the hype with her.

Until then, my desire for small batches of yummy goodness is currently being met by the cookbook, Small Batch Baking, by Debby Maugans Nakos. I picked it up a week ago from Barnes and Noble. At first glance, I thought I had made a mistake as almost all of the recipes call for unsalted butter at least, and some even called for buttermilk. Since we're a non-dairy household, butter and buttermilk aren't welcome in our home.

But always up for a challenge, I decided to attempt a recipe tonight using my dairy substitute for butter, Smart Balance Light spread. Oddly enough, the regular, non-light stuff contains dairy proteins, but the light stuff doesn't. The recipe was the Just Good Cupcakes. Not only did the recipe call for unsalted butter (2 T of the stuff), but it also wanted a quarter-cup of buttermilk.

I love Google! I simply typed, "buttermilk substitute vegan," into the search engine and received the same advice over several web pages; add a tablespoon of vinegar to a cup of soy or rice milk and let it sit for a while. So I did just that, and then stirred it up, poured a quarter cup out, and put the rest in the fridge for later when I decide to make these cupcakes again.

Small batch baking does not equal SPEEDY or simplified baking. No, it was just as much work as if I had made a huge batch of cupcakes. But it was fun to do! I had several prep bowls full of ingredients (it's the only way I will cook now that I am operating with mommybrain). I did have to pitch 1/8 t of baking soda and 1/8 t of salt because I stuck them in the same bowl instead of separate bowls and the recipe has you add them at different stages. Oops! Oh, well, it wasn't anything significant!

I was concerned with how the cupcakes would turn out, given my two substitutions. I am happy to say that they were delicious and all four of them are now gone. And if I had made a huge batch of two dozen cupcakes, they might all be gone, too!

I did frost them with Duncan Hines chocolate frosting (delightfully dairy-free!) as I was feeling lazy after dinner and not up to whipping up a small batch of icing.

I'll definitely make these again. Sorry there are no photos, they weren't all that pretty!

Scrap Bribing Again...

Ok, go check it out, leave a comment and tell her you got there by way of me so I have more chances to win! :-)

http://www.iowageekonline.com/2008/01/valentines-day-scrap-bribing.html

Where's Waldo?

Go to this link:

Grace Community Church

Scroll down until you see the photo with the worship team.

Do you see me in the photo? I'm there, I promise. :-)

Cell Phone Camera Fun

I was flipping through the photo album on my phone and realized that there were several crazy photos I haven't shared here yet. I'm feeling quite lazy tonight so you'll have to visit the Picasa album in order to see the photos and read the comments.

From Oddities Janu...

Happy Birthday to ME!

Although first I should say happy BELATED birthday to my wonderful husband. He's 38 hours and 11 minutes older than I am. His birthday was yesterday. He had to work, but came home early and his favorite meal of sauerbraten and mashed potatoes greeted him. I had also decorated the bar with some crepe streamers and a paper balloon, and hung another paper balloon from the light fixture over the dining table. It wasn't much, but I was busy cooking dinner!

I also made a yummy, allergen-free (i.e. no dairy or eggs) chocolate cake. I got the recipe from allrecipes.com - if you search for depression cakes, you'll find it. Apparently these cakes were very popular back in the Depression when eggs were in short supply and high demand. No one would ever be able to tell this cake wasn't a "normal" cake full of eggs and milk and butter.

Here are some photos from yesterday.

I should have taken a photo before I lit the candles. Those letters melted SUPER fast!



Number candles are just safer after a certain age.


See what I mean about the fast-melting candles?! Thank goodness they weren't relighting candles!


They're kind of creepy-looking now!


More creepiness.



Ok, so back to the title...MY birthday!

I have the greatest husband.

He left me a love note on the wall this morning that I found when I went to the kitchen to fix breakfast for Nyssa.



Inside the love note was another message.



And later that afternoon, he sent me flowers!



And then he came home with "something small" he said he thought I'd like.



What is that? Look more closely...



WOO HOO! He had led me to believe we needed to wait until February to get the D300, sneaky man! Now the battery needs to hurry up and charge so I can go play! It doesn't take the same batteries that my other Nikons take. BOO!

Nyssa let me sleep until 9:30, which was nice. And Grandma Coni babysat this evening so Brad and I could go to dinner at Cheesecake Factory. I didn't get any cheesecake since you know, it's made with DAIRY and all...but dinner was quite yummy even without dessert. Then we drove through Starbucks and I ordered my usual "tall soy chai" (chai tea latte made with soy milk). I don't know what the barista did, but YUCK! It was horrific. First of all, the cup wasn't a tall cup, it was much larger. Secondly, I swear they used regular milk in it. At any rate, I didn't drink it. We went to Coni's to pick up Nyssa and were greeted with more birthday gifts! On our way back home we drove back through Starbucks and Brad got them to fix my drink. The drink we left with that time was MUCH better than the first. They were very apologetic and fixed the new drink quickly. Gotta love good customer service!

I've had lots of virtual birthday wishes from friends and phone calls from family members. It's been a really nice birthday.

And now I leave you with photos from my birthdays from the last three years.

2004:
Opening my birthday gifts (Four years later and I still have that same PDA!)


Dinner that evening at Blue Mesa with a couple of my BFFs and their hubbies - we've been friends since forever (Jr. High and High School).


2005:
Surprise party at Maggiano's - my sneaky hubby at work again!


My birthday cake - apparently I've had a pink & brown addiction for quite some time. Do you see HIS birthday cake in the background? Not sure why we thought we needed two cakes! And no, I did not turn 26 this year...I was actually 30 but Brad likes to pretend he forgets how old I am each year. You'll see what I mean with the next photo.


2006:
I think my birthday snuck up on us with regard to the cake this year...or else I had a major E cake obsession! And apparently I aged 2 years in one, since I am now 28 (really 31).


2007:
There are no festive birthday photos of me this year. Shoot, I was 9 days postpartum and not thinking clearly. That's the only excuse I have. We DID go out and celebrate - my mom babysat little newborn Nyssa while we went first to Carter's to get some winter clothing for her and then to On the Border for dinner. I made the mistake of calling Mom on our way back home and could hear Nyssa crying in the background. I felt horrible and cried on the way home! How could I have left my brand new baby?! Looking back I am glad we went and laugh at how distraught I was. This photo has nothing to do with my birthday other than the fact that it was taken on my birthday. Isn't it so sweet, though?


2008: - see above!

Unwanted House Guests

A mouse.

In the house.

Times three.

UGH!

It's the product of living in a brand-new subdivision where these field mice are having their homes disrupted by the construction coupled with the fact that our builder left a decent-sized hole in the storage closet under the stairs.

The first mouse I learned about while at worship team rehearsal for Christmas Eve services the Thursday before Christmas. I received a text message from Brad, "Bad news. I had to kill a mouse upstairs."

I gasped and groaned and was generally unhappy that our home had been invaded by a rodent. I got home and heard the story - Brad had Nyssa on his back, and his brother Brian and daughter Haley were here. They were all upstairs in the craft room, when the mouse darted between Brad and Brian. Long story short, Brad trapped the mouse in the closet and then stomped on it.

Mouse number 2 has the funniest stereotypical story. Brad and Nyssa were out running errands on the Sunday before Christmas. I was at home making a rum cake and had sat down at the computer to answer emails while waiting for the cake to finish baking. Out of my peripheral vision I saw something run across the hearth in the living room. I glanced up as my mind tried to process what I had seen. Was it a bug? No, it was too fast for a bug. Crap, it must have been another mouse. UGH. I called Brad and muttered quickly, "There is a mouse in the house. There is a mouse in the house!" At that moment, the little rodent decided to peek his little rodent head out from behind the speaker and look at me. I screamed in Brad's ear, "THERE IS A MOUSE IN THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!" He told me he was right out front and to sit tight, he'd be right there to take care of the problem.

He walked in the door and handed Nyssa to me. He laughed because I was sitting on top of the bar in the kitchen. Nyssa was hungry, so I stayed on top of the bar with her and nursed her. Brad grabbed a wrought iron curtain rod to use as a weapon and started moving the stereo equipment and television to find our furry friend. Well, at that moment the plumber showed up to fix our leaking sink in the master bathroom. Brad paused his mouse hunt to let the plumber in. The plumber laughed at our predicament, completely entertained by Nyssa and me sitting up on the bar.

The mouse got brave and darted from behind the stereo across the living room and back into the laundry room. The funniest sight I have ever seen was my husband darting across the living room wielding the wrought iron curtain rod and yelling, "Come back her, you little...!"

Unfortunately, the mouse was pretty quick and dashed back into the aforementioned hole in the wall in the storage closet. *sigh* I knew we'd be contending with this creature again soon.

The next morning at 5:20, I heard a rustling on Brad's side of the bed. "Brad. Brad. BRAD, wake up! That stupid mouse is in our bedroom!!! He can't climb into the bed, right?" Brad reassured me that the mouse couldn't climb (I've since discovered evidence that this is not the case, they are apparently proficient climbers...more on that in a minute) and that Nyssa and I were safe in bed. He got up, went to the bathroom and got the stick to the toilet plunger, then turned on his bedside lamp and started looking for the mouse. The little guy darted into a pile of clothes in the middle of the floor. Brad threw a blanket on top of the clothes, scooped the whole pile up, and threw it all into our bathtub. Then he removed all the clothes and blanket, and I heard, "GO!" *whack* "TO!" *whack* "SLEEP!!!" *whack*

Mouse # 2 died a quick death and we were safe again...or so I thought.

A few nights later I was trying to get Nyssa to go to sleep while standing in "the magic spot" (at the bar-height countertop, facing the kitchen, with the laptop in front of me). Out of my peripheral vision I saw something dart under the front room doors. I turned to look, saw mouse # 3 and squealed, "ANOTHER MOUSE!" as the creature darted back into the room.

Brad got up from his computer, grabbed the toilet plunger from the front bathroom, and started his mouse hunt. Now, this front room is currently being used as a playroom/gigantic toybox, so it is full of great hiding places for a small rodent. Brad blocked off the entrance to the room and told me to watch and make sure he didn't escape. The mouse ended up getting trapped in the closet and his life ended shortly thereafter.

Brad has since plugged the hole in the closet under the stairs and we have not seen any more mice. We have seen evidence of mice in the way of droppings and a half-eaten Hershey's Special Dark bar in the pantry (which was my proof that they can climb, as it was near the top shelf, about eye level with me). I am not sure if this evidence is from the three mice that got into the house or if there are more that are lurking. Here's hoping it's from the dearly departed - I am tired of mice!

Three Works

Three works I want God's hand on in my life in 2008:
1) My worship team ministry at church as I proceed as a lead worshipper
2) My photography
3) My marriage

There are lots more, but these three are the most important (and are not in any particular order other than the order they came to me).

This is all part of the Home Sanctuary's Company Girl Sanctuary in the Small Things. Click on the Company Girl graphic to the right to read more!

Hot, hot hot!

We received a hot cocoa kit for Christmas from Brad's aunt and family. The warning on the outside back of the box says, "Keep away from heat." So how am I supposed to use this kit, exactly? MMM, cold cocoa!

Feliz Navidad!

In honor of my daddy:



In my stocking was a bottle of vanilla creme room spray. I'm a little scared to use it. On one side of the bottle it says, "This product is environmentally friendly and does not contain propellants." Below that reads, "Caution: Keep out of reach of children and pets. Non-toxic product. Not for human consumption."

And on the other side, the label says, "
FOR CHEMICAL EMERGENCYSpill, leak, fire, exposure, or accident, call Infotrac day or night." Ok, so if I knock the bottle over at 3 am and spill it, I should call Infotrac?

I wanna win...

So go here: December Scrap Bribing give-away and leave a comment and let her know you got to her by way of me so you can have an entry and I can have another entry! And then post about it in your blog so you can have more entries! :-)

I wanna win...

so go here: http://www.iowageekonline.com/2007/12/december-scrap-bribing.html

Lose 4 pounds in 24 hours!

Just get a nasty stomach bug! Thankfully I am feeling better today, but Sunday evening and yesterday were MISERABLE.

The good news (?) is that I'm now 3 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight. My original goal was to be there by the time Nyssa turned one (next Wednesday). Woo hoo, except I'm sure once I start eating normally again I'll gain it all back! Oh, well.

Why I'm baking from scratch

I thought I'd let my readers (all two of you) know why I'm baking pizza crust from scratch.

In two words: food allergies.

We found out early on that Nyssa is sensitive to dairy, so I cut all dairy out of my diet. It was very challenging at first, but I learned how to surround myself with yes foods (Oreo cookies are dairy-free!) and eventually find proper substitutes for my dairy cravings.

And then Brad had allergy testing done. Besides being allergic to 16 types of trees, all molds, grasses, and weeds (hello, lawn service), he is also allergic to shellfish, peanuts, eggs, corn, and soy. Take a look at the ingredients of just a few of the processed foods in your pantry, and chances are ALL of them will have some form of corn and/or soy. Pretty much any chocolate will have soy lecithin (an emulsifier) in it. I did find an organic chocolate bar at Target that does NOT contain the soy lecithin, so I've been buying those for him. Oh, and Breyer's ice cream is the purest stuff out there - all of the other brands at the local Kroger had corn syrup in them.

He's being a great trooper - he's finished two weeks of a four-week elimination diet (eating a LOT of grilled chicken and rice and salad with olive oil and vinegar) and has lost 6 pounds just doing that. After the four weeks are up, we will start testing the allergens one at a time in the purest form possible to see if he reacts. Based on the type of reaction, it'll be up to him to decide what foods to allow back in his diet and what to avoid completely.

So anyway, the reason I was making pizza dough from scratch is because all of the pre-packaged stuff contains either corn, soy, or dairy!

Measure Twice, Cut Once

Or, how I managed to ruin two batches of homemade pizza dough this evening.

The recipe is as follows:
1 (.25 oz) package active yeast
1 cup warm water (110 degrees F)
1 teaspoon sugar

2.5 cups bread flour
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons olive oil

Combine yeast, sugar, and water in a bowl and let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes.

Add flour, salt, and olive oil and mix until smooth. Let rest 5 minutes.

Turn out on pizza stone, roll into a circle, top with toppings, bake at 450 degrees for ? 20 minutes? I don't recall, as I didn't get that far.

I put two cups of water in the microwave to heat it to the 110 degrees. I added the yeast and the sugar and let it sit. Then I added the flour, salt, and olive oil and let my Kitchenaid do the mixing. After a few minutes I realized something was wrong. I thought maybe I had mismeasured the flour, since I was counting 10 quarter cups of flour instead of washing my one-cup measuring cup. I added another half-cup of flour and the dough was still not the consistency so I dumped it and started over.

Once again, after reviewing the recipe, I warmed two cups of water in the microwave. I repeated the exact same steps, but used a one-cup measuring cup this time to make sure I got the right amount of flour. I started mixing, and guess what? It looked the same. After wasting another half-cup of flour, I gave up.

Then I went to the recipe and looked at it, trying to figure out what I had done wrong.

ONE FREAKING CUPS OF WATER RUINED MY DOUGH!!! I used twice as much water in the yeast, TWICE! UGH. What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over expecting different results? *sigh*

I would have tried a third time, but I was out of yeast.

Use Your Ruler

Or, objects in mirror may be smaller than they appear.

I thought it would be nice to get Nyssa her first baby doll for Christmas. I found this Waldorf doll and thought it would be a nice doll.

http://www.willowtreetoys.com:80/product/KK74197

The website describes the doll as being 8 inches in length. Apparently my mind thinks 8 inches is twice as big as it actually is.

My order arrived today. That doll, while really cute, is about the size of a Beanie Baby and fits in the palm of my hand. It's not at all what I had in mind for her first dollie! And it was $20!!! To say I'm disappointed is an understatement.

Next time I will be pulling out the ruler to get a visual of just how big eight inches is!

Remembering Daddy

The first thought on my mind today about today's date was not, "Daddy died 6 years ago today." No, it was, "Hey, it's Michelle's birthday!" I am happy that I am finally at a point where I think of my friend's birthday before thinking of the day my dad passed away.

I'm really sad that he never met Brad or Nyssa, even though I know they'll all meet some day (hopefully FAR FAR FAR in the future).

My dad had a knack for a mean chess game and could play anything on the guitar. My two favorites were "Gentle Breeze" from the Music Machine record, and "You Can Close Your Eyes" by James Taylor and remade by lots of people - Carly Simon, Kate Taylor, Linda Ronstat, Richie Havens, Maureen McGovern, and probably others that aren't listed on the website that came up when I Googled it to find out who originally wrote it. I know there's a recent version that gets played on easy listening stations, as it'll come on sometimes when Brad and I have gone out to eat. It always, ALWAYS results with me in tears after picking up just a note or two of it. I tried to sing it to Nyssa once, and didn't even get through the second line without choking up. Fortunately, she was asleep by then and didn't notice (that, and she was 6 weeks old so she probably didn't care anyway).

Speaking of chess, Daddy taught us to play when we were really young. He showed us how to win a chess game in four moves, but unfortunately it only works with a novice chess player - any seasoned player will see it coming and thwart it immediately.

We always went roller skating as a family on Sunday afternoons. I was skating about the time I started walking, or shortly thereafter (or so I'm told anyway!).

We'd spend the weekends with him after my parents split up. Sometimes he'd take us to Crystal's Pizza and we'd sit in the cartoon room and watch Little Rascals or Pink Panther and then get to play skee ball and other video games. Sometimes we would just order pizza from there and have it delivered, and play Nintendo games at his house.

He would pick us up after school and take us to Baskin Robbins. I always got either pralines and cream, daquari ice, or on the rare occasion, bubble gum. I'm sad that they have changed the way they make the daquari ice and it no longer looks or tastes like it did.

My dad spent a TON of time teaching me things when I was very small. He read to me constantly and as a result of the time he spent with me, I was reading when I was three years old. I knew the Greek alphabet when I was 4 (I did not retain that knowledge, however!). Dad was insistent on us not only memorizing the Lord's Prayer, but also the Apostles' Creed (which I also do not remember - the Creed, that is...I will never forget the Lord's Prayer!).

My mom has a Christmas decoration that is a train where the cars spell "N-O-E-L." We would always find that train saying, "L-E-O-N," after Dad had visited.

My friends from my childhood most likely know that my dad was a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic. He spent a lot of time in the VA hospital in Big Springs. He would function pretty well when he was taking his meds, but when he stopped, he'd have a breakdown and have to go back to Big Springs.

He called my brother once requesting that he send him a post card. With a horse on it. It was just like my dad to make goofy requests such as that.

The last conversation I had with him was out on my mom's front porch on Thanksgiving day. He talked about how he considered his cigarettes prayer sticks and as he smoked them, he prayed for his brothers and sisters (he had 14 of them). I don't remember much more from that conversation other than in the last 2 minutes it turned ugly and I had to walk away from him and go into the house. A week later my mom called to let me know he had died suddenly (and quite unexpectedly). I felt awful that the last conversation we were to have on this earth had ended so poorly, but was thankful for the first 43 minutes that had gone well.

My dad was a very giving person, to a fault at times. His "friends" knew it and often took advantage of it. He was always wanting to help out anyone in need. He always tipped the Sonic car hops (and now I do it in memory of Dad). When he would take us to the Sonic on North 1st in Abilene, he would always park his car so that the big neon COKE/Coca Cola sign was visible from the parking spot.

There's a street just on the south side that has a significant dip in it - he was always willing to give us kids a thrill by driving as fast as he could down the road (within reason, of course). I wish I could remember the name of that street - I wonder if they've fixed it or if you still get air time if you go over it fast enough.

My absolute favorite memories of my dad are of him playing his guitar and us singing together. I have a recording of my dad and me singing when I was a very young child. It used to be on a cassette tape, but now it's on a CD (which is packed in a box somewhere at the moment). If I knew where it was, I'd share it, but I am not sure right now where it is.

I can't believe I almost forgot to mention that we shared a birthday. He was exactly 24 years older than I, right down to the day. He always said I was the best birthday present ever. We came up with a secret little handshake when I was little that we continued to do even after I was an adult. There were times as a teenager that I would roll my eyes in my mind, but as I got older I enjoyed our little 1-2-3-4 pinkie shake. Silly, yes, but it was special to us. He always signed his letters with "1,2,3,4."

When I moved to Santa Barbara, he would send me $21 a week so I'd have $3 a day to eat on. I never asked for it, but was always glad to get it as money was pretty tight then!

He was a faithful letter writer. Somewhere upstairs I have a box and an envelope with letters from him.

He was an MP in the Army. He was in Korea during the Vietnam war. He was a 100% disabled Veteran. I seem to recall him working for the post office at some point, but need to verify that information with my mother. He hung sheetrock in the Abilene Mall when it was being constructed. I know he probably had other odd jobs at different times, but most of the time he didn't work because he couldn't. He'd think he could, so he would get a job and his VA benefits would stop. Then the stress of the job would take its toll and he'd end up back in the hospital, and it would take some time for the VA benefits to kick back in again. I know he always felt guilty for taking money without working for it.

It's hard to believe he's been gone for six years already. Daddy, I miss you.

Stupid Comment Spam

Apologies to my readers/commenters, you are going to have to enter the word verification to leave a comment now. I've been spammed and I don't appreciate it!

I don't know why they call it word verification, when the letters make up no English words with which I am familiar!

The Tree is Up!

We got a gorgeous pre-lit 9' slim tree from Wal-Mart for a really great price. Brad picked it up last weekend, and we put it up yesterday. I was shocked at how quickly it went together. The thing is so beautiful! Now we just need to get ornaments on it.

I have to admit that I hate real trees. First of all, Brad and I are allergic to pretty much all kinds of Christmas trees. It's not fun to spend your holiday season sneezing and rubbing your itchy eyes. Other reasons I hate real trees include the following:

• They're high maintenance.
• I stress about them catching on fire.
• It's more trouble to go shopping for the perfect tree than to lug the fake one out of the attic each year.
• They leave needles EVERYWHERE.
• They're hard to get level and straight in the tree stand (at least, that was my experience growing up - seems like when we had real trees, they were always crooked).
• I can barely remember to water the plants on my front porch; having to water the tree in my living room is more than I want to hassle with.
• Getting rid of it at the end of the season seems like it would be a big production.

So Nyssa will grow up only having experienced a fake tree each Christmas. Poor, deprived child, huh?! :-)

Thanksgiving!

We went to Barrington, IL for the Thanksgiving holiday to celebrate with Brad's mom, her husband, and their daughter. We flew out Thursday morning and returned home late last night. It was a pretty good trip. It was cold, and it was snowing a little bit when we arrived.

To entertain ourselves on the drive from the airport to Barrington, I put the language for the Hertz Never Lost GPS on French. On the way back to the airport yesterday, it was on German. I wonder what the next people who rent the car are going to think. :-P

I was without a camera for most of the trip simply because I was being too lazy to carry it around with me. I missed a few good photo opportunities, such as the hundred or so geese all congregating around a sign that read, "Beware of dog."

We went to a mall on Friday afternoon. It actually wasn't very crowded at all, but then, this particular mall doesn't even have a Starbucks (I was sorely disappointed, as I have an addiction to the soy chai latte these days). The six of us posed for a photo with Santa. He was a pretty creepy Santa and looks none too pleased with our little group in the photo (that I will share later when I get to the disc that it's on).

Inside this mall there was a candy store called "Fannie May Candies." Are the mortgage industry and housing market in THAT much trouble?!

'Tis the season for Christmas carols. It's pretty sad that Thanksgiving weekend isn't even over yet and already I have grown weary of, "Let it Snow." I swear, if I hear it one more time, I may scream. *note to self, check iPod Christmas play list!

"Do You Hear What I Hear" used to be one of my favorite Christmas carols. That is, it was a favorite until yesterday when I realized just how incredibly dumb the following line is:

"A child, a child, shivers in the cold.
Let us bring him silver and gold."

I don't know about you, but if I knew that a child was shivering in the cold, I'd be bringing warm blankets and a nice coat, hat, and set of mittens! Gold? Silver? Really, now?

I am really just poking fun at the lyrics of the song, not the actual visitation of the wise men. Notes about the wise men - 1) the Bible never says there were three wise men. There were three gifts (gold, francensense, and myrrh). 2) They did not arrive the night of the birth of Christ, so nativity sets that have the wise men as part of them aren't really accurate. 3) My uncle's favorite joke of all time is the following:

Q: Did you know the wise men were firemen?
A: Yep, they came from afar. (a fire, said with a prominent west Texas accent).

I always thought it would be neat for our family to make a little birthday cake on Christmas day since it's Jesus' birthday (well, the day we celebrate, anyway). However, with Nyssa's birthday being the day after, that's a lot of cake to have sitting around! So I am going to let go of the idea of baking a cake for Christmas day.

I am FINALLY ready to celebrate Christmas! There were several stores that started putting out their Christmas decor in October, before Halloween! I like to celebrate my holidays in order, so let me please get through Thanksgiving with fall leaves, pumpkins, turkeys and other orange decor before you start pushing red and green and ornaments and lighted garlands on me, please!

I am mindful every day of the gift of Christ, but love the month-long emphasis of Christmas. I do get overwhelmed with the commercialism of the holiday and frustrated at the attempt of so many to reduce October/November/December to "The Holiday Season" and not make any mention of CHRISTMAS DAY in an effort to be politically correct. I could go on and on, but I will stay off my soap box for this one. Suffice it to say, we are celebrating Christmas in this home - celebrating the birth of Christ!

Little Pitchers have Big Ears

Brad and I were putting up the Christmas tree this afternoon. Nyssa was hanging out on my back while we fluffed the branches. I don't recall what happened, but something caused me to say, "Crap." Not two seconds later, a little voice from behind me said, "Bap." I paused for a minute, then looked wryly at Brad and asked him, "Did she just imitate me saying ,'Crap?!'"

Guess it's time to start REALLY watching what I say! I'm pretty mindful of my language anyway, but I don't want our 11-month-old (as of tomorrow) running around saying, "Crap! Crap!" That word does NOT need to be in her vocabulary list!

Trash? Treasure?

Got $10 to burn? Order a something!

http://www.somethingstore.com/index.html

Very, very weird.

Friday Ramblings

God's funny. Last night Brad told me the Ozarka water guy was coming today to deliver our monthly supply of water and a water cooler (we're water snobs, ok?). I asked him to find out what time he was coming so I could be home. Immediately upon waking up this morning, I called Brad this morning to find out what time and he told me all they gave him was a 5-hour window. I was NOT a happy camper about being stuck at home for five hours when I so desperately needed to go to the grocery store. I threw a small fit and so Brad called them back to ask them to move the delivery time to Tuesday. I wasn't thrilled with that either since that meant I had to get water from the grocery store in addition to everything else we needed, but at least I could get out. Not five minutes after I got off the phone with Brad, the Ozarka water guy showed up with our delivery. So we had that silly tiff for nothing! Note to self, don't make phone calls immediately after waking up in the morning.

I had a challenging time shopping today because I left our Beco carrier at home. I almost ALWAYS shop with Nyssa on my back, because it is just easier that way. She's out of my way back there, her arms and hands are contained so she can't grab at stuff, and she likes it best back there. I had a ring sling (one shoulder carrier) in my car, so I ended up using that half the time and letting her ride in the cart the rest of the time. What a pain that was! I seriously debated calling a babywearing friend of mine that lives in the area where I was shopping to see if I could borrow her Beco, but decided we would just make do this time. I will be putting a carrier in my car this evening so I don't get caught like that again!!! It was quite challenging.

While in the soda aisle I passed a woman who commented on Nyssa in the sling. She said, "You have your hands full, literally!" Well, no, actually I didn't - the purpose of the sling is so that I have my hands free! I didn't bother correcting her, what would the point have been?

I bought organic eggs. On the carton it states that the eggs are from vegetarian hens. Um...since when were chickens omnivores or carnivores? I'm a little disturbed at the idea of a chicken eating meat. On a really random side note, my cockatiel loves scrambled eggs. So what does that make her? She can't have cheese (birds lack the enzymes necessary to break down milk proteins), so would she be an ovo-vegetarian? And why do I keep trying to spell "vegetarian" with three Es, like "vegeterian?"

I ran across a very interesting video game toy this afternoon. It had what amounted to a stationary bike and the video game was a cycling route. It was geared toward children, since the bike was all kinds of crazy colored plastic and the object of the game was to collect letters of the alphabet in sequence. I guess if kids are going to play video games, they might as well get some physical exercise, too! I suppose it's no different than watching TV while riding the stationary bike at the gym.

In Order

could we please celebrate our holidays in order?

oh, and i discovered the lock buttons on the dish washer and oven, thankfully!

Nonsense!

So our new house has a dishwasher, microwave, and oven that all have push buttons for operating them. My daughter loves buttons and the oven and dishwasher are both within her reach.

Guess which appliance is the only one with the child lock on it?


The one she cannot reach, of course! Our plan is to barricade her from the kitchen completely.

Bye-bye, Birdie.

Our love bird, Houdini, passed away this evening.

I am very sad over the loss of our little buddy. I have a warped sense of humor (as if you didn't know this already) and have said some inappropriate things regarding the passing of our little feathered friend.

Things like, "Well, that's one less thing to move." My husband admitted the same thought crossed his mind only after I said it. And things like, "Ugh! There's a dead bird in our freezer and it's not even Thanksgiving yet!" We're going to bury the little guy tomorrow, but didn't want him starting to decompose and stink tonight, so I made a little birdie casket from one of my stationery boxes lined with fleece cut from the covers we used to cover the birds' cages with at night time. Brad put Houdini in the box, and then put the box in a ziplock bag, and then I put the whole package in the freezer.

Apparently one of my coping mechanisms when dealing with grief is to think inappropriate thoughts. :-)

RIP, little dude.

If you want to read a more reverent tribute, go to http://missnyssa.blogspot.com/2007/09/and-then-there-were-three.html

Odd Midwest

We recently made a trip to Emmetsburg, Iowa, by way of Minneapolis, Minnesota. I found great amusement in quite a few things on this trip!

Did you know there is a Minnesota Contact Lens Society? I wonder if there are Lasik surgeons attending this meeting incognito.



The Wild Rose Hotel & Casino in Emmetsburg has a daily special at the snack bar. On Sunday, it was a taco in a bag and a pop. What exactly is a taco in a bag? What kind of bag is it? Would they give you a choice of paper or plastic? I didn't care to spend the four bucks to find out.



Apparently you are not supposed to kick the side of the escalator, and dogs with no legs should be carried.



And because the pictures aren't enough guidance for proper use of an escalator...



This was in someone's front yard in Granada, Iowa.



A convenience store in Estherville, Iowa. They also have them in Emmetsburg. I guess the cost of the letter E was just too much for the chain. They must have said, "No," when asked if they would like to buy a vowel.



Ok, so I've seen international signs for no smoking, wheelchair accessibility, and even breastfeeding. I am stumped as to the meaning of this sign, which was outside our hotel room at the casino.




We departed from terminal A when we flew to Minneapolis. When we returned home to DFW, we were returned to terminal C. Dang inconvenient, if you ask me. So we hopped on the skylink and rode over to terminal A. The recorded voice announced, "Please stand clear of the doorway, do not block the doorway. This guy obviously didn't get the memo.

World Market Getaway

These pictures are probably a month or so old. I have been busy with the other blogs and have really neglected this one! Oh, well. Enjoy the humorous pics.


Is it a weenie dog? Is it a devil dog? Is it a bull?


MmMM, play-doh cookies.



Did you know mini pigs were perfect for parties?



I saw this and almost bought it for Nyssa. However...


I couldn't identify the blue animal that apparently starts with a Y. Perhaps it is a Dr. Seuss animal. I suppose it could be a yak? But all the other animals in the book were their proper color. Except for the animal that starts with an X...I have no idea what that is, either!



I have never understood these things.


Awww, sad wilted flower!


Everyone needs a giraffe mug!!!



Mmm, sausages. These just look gross.


This just made le laugh. I wonder if the marketing person at Heinz got fired for this. I mean, would YOU buy something with such an attractive name and packaging? What exactly IS spotted dick, or does that fall into the realm of questions you don't want answered?


They couldn't stop at gummy bears. Or gummy worms. NOOOO, they had to go and make gummy CENTIPEDES. Somehow I don't think these things really have a hundred legs.

High Priced Fashion

Would YOU spend $99.89 on these shoes?!

Random Easter Crap

I'll spare you my diatribe about how Easter really isn't about bunnies and eggs and marshmallow Peeps, and instead share with you some of the very silly things my mom and I ran across while shopping at WalMart a couple of weeks ago.

First, we have the Fiber Optic Carrot Lite [sic]. I guess the Fiber Optic Carrot Heavy is bigger? At any rate, every kid needs one of these.



Next up is the BIG EARED RABBIT! Couldn't have called it Oído Grande just for grins. I don't know why my phone takes pictures in mirror image sometimes. It's weird.



Gone are the days of boring pastel plastic eggs...we now have camo eggs in both green AND pink! Just how challenging do we want the easter egg hunt to be, honey?




And no egg hunt would be complete without the SPIDEY EGGS!



Finally, we have this...er...um...well, I'm not sure what it is, but it made me laugh.

Contest!

Check out the contest at http://splatdesigns.blogspot.com!

Mommy Musings

I used to hate having to go to Target. Now, with a 2-month old (as of Monday the 26th), a 30-minute trip to Target alone while the baby stays home with Daddy has become a great respite. Granted, my trip was to buy diapers, but still!

I was very amused last night as I wandered the Easter aisles. The first item that caught my eye was a basketball-sized and shaped fluffy sheep. It cracked me up because it was so ridiculous looking.



As I continued my wandering, I noticed something green and fuzzy. Upon closer examination, I discovered a Frabbit. It was a stuffed frog onto which a pair of white bunny ears had been sewn. I can just picture the board meeting among top executives of Fluffy Frog, Inc. sitting around lamenting that they had produced too many frogs and were losing money on merchandise that wasn't moving. The VP of Marketing pipes up and says, "Let's sew bunny ears on them and market them as Frabbit, the Easter Frog." Voila - the result was the toy I saw sitting on the aisle last night.



Have you ever noticed the sign posted on the exit door of Target that reads, "Please have a safe trip home." ??? I have been to Target a thousand times and never noticed this sign before. I wondered if it was there to make me feel all warm and fuzzy, like the folks at Target REALLY care that I have a safe trip home. I have to say that the nice sign is not the reason I will return to shop there.

Waste of time...

I noticed for the first time yesterday that the tag on my Boppy pillow says, "Read before each use."

Sure, I know I'm sleep deprived and have Mommybrain, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to forget after a couple of hours that I shouldn't let Nyssa fall asleep on the pillow or let her use it unsupervised.

I put that dang pillow in my lap every two hours around the clock, I am not going to waste 10 seconds of my life reading the tag each time.

More instructions for dummies...

I really do have a hard time believing people are truly so stupid. I know it's the litigious society we live in, but still.

Two things quickly before Pineki wakes up and demands her afternoon lunch.

1) The toy bar in her bouncy seat says, "WARNING! Do not lift seat by toy bar." That's pretty dumb, given the fact that the toy bar doesn't even latch into the seat - it just rests inside two holes and comes off at the slightest pressure. It's impossible to lift the seat by the toy bar! Now if the instructions had said, "Do not attempt to lift seat by toy bar," that would make more sense.

2) The instructions on my thin plastic bottle liners say, "Do not use sharp objects to squeeze air out of disposable liners." C'mon, I'm sleep deprived, not stupid!

Merry Christmas!

In my stocking was a Burt's Bees outdoor survival kit. One of the items inside that kit was a bottle of "The Defender" Herbal Insect Repellent. On the side of the bottle label it says, "Burt's Bees Herbal Insect Repellent is safe enough to apply with confidence to children and pets." The very next line says, "Not tested on animals."

Baby Moses

I bought a Moses basket from Wal Mart for $25 plus shipping to use instead of a bassinette, since we don't really have the room for one.

I am very disappointed to say that the instructions tell me to "Keep basket away from running or standing water."

HELLO! It's a MOSES basket! Do they not know the story?

More instructions for dummies...

My South Beach Diet frozen dinner included the following directions on the box.
"DO NOT EAT PRODUCT WITHOUT COOKING."

Who does that?! Here, honey, suck on a frozen piece of chicken breast!


And "CAUTION: PRODUCT AND PACKAGING WILL BE HOT!"

Well no kidding, I just took it out of the HOT microwave!


I'm sad because I know there really are some people in the world that are THAT DUMB.

Chopped and Screwed!

I'm officially old. I had never heard this term until today. I downloaded a beautiful version of O Come, O Come Emmanuel from iTunes. It's by The Martins and is on their Light of the World album. And I went to play it, when it started skipping! It's digital, why is it skipping?! So I started searching the iTunes site for troubleshooting help and found this:

"A purchased song sounds bad.
If a specific song purchased from the iTunes Store sounds bad, please follow the steps below to submit the problem directly to Apple. Hip-Hop lovers: Make sure your song is not a "chopped and screwed" version. If there is an issue at a certain point in the song, to expedite your request, please tell us the time code where the problem appears."

I'm thankful they had the link to Wikipedia for the definition!

"Chopped and screwed (also known as screwed and chopped, slowed and throwed, Houston music, H-Town music, screw music, and screw) all refer to a technique of remixing hip hop music by slowing the tempo and applying various DJ techniques such as skipping beats, record scratching, stop-time, and sending portions of the music through stand-alone effects to make a "chopped-up" version of the original."

It did make me laugh that they had to put the Hip Hop disclaimer in their "song sounds bad" troubleshooting section.

Lost in Transit...

'Tis the season for online shopping, fa la la la la.....
When you're 8 months pregnant, the idea of dealing with hordes of people at the mall, or just walking through the mall is enough to make you crazy. So this year I've resorted to a lot of gift cards and online shopping.

Today, I received one of the many things I've ordered. Inside the box that contained the goods I ordered was a catalog, and inside the catalog was a slip of paper that held this customer service information.

"UPS Claims and Lost Packages:

If your package is lost in transit, please call us and we will track your package for you. If the package cannot be found, we can file a claim for the cost of the contents and send you a replacement."

I'm pretty sure that if my package were to be lost in transit, that helpful little slip of paper would have been lost right along with it.

Did you know that round things roll?!

I have a new exercise ball. I was reading the instructions last night and cracked up at the following instruction.

Mount, dismount, and change position on the ball slowly. Due to the round shape of the ball, it could roll out from under the user and cause injury.

Dangit...I expected this ball to be stationary at all times! I DEMAND A REFUND!

Impulses

I was in the 99 cent store at lunch today. As I was standing in line, I was looking at the various items they had hanging in the impulse aisle. Would you believe there was a box of condoms there?!

I can't decide which is better, the fact that the 99 cent store sells condoms, or the fact that they were in the impulse aisle.

Nothing says impulsive like buying condoms from the 99 cent store!!!

Check Your Labels!

Brad was getting an evening snack of Double Stuf Oreo cookies and was looking for milk in which to dip them. I told him there was a small container of whole milk somewhere in the fridge. He found it and brought it to me asking, "Is this frozen or just bad?" I looked at it and smelled it and it was fine, but it was unusually thick. It wasn't frozen, and it also wasn't milk. It was heavy whipping cream!!!

Let's Throw Money in the TRASH!

I just got an email from one of the many online photo publishing places. The email was advertising postage stamps that you can customize with your very own photo! Ooh. While it may seem like a good idea at first, I personally think you might as well take the $17.99 (the cost for 20 $0.39 stamps) and throw it directly in the trash can. That's where those cute photo stamps end up anyway - I mean, who wants to keep a tiny photo that has been marred by the stamp cancellation machine? Oh, look honey, Junior looks just like Grandpa with the inked mustache under his nose!

$17.99 for 20 stamps is nearly 90 cents per stamp! If you want to spend extra money on postage, why not buy the breast cancer stamps or another fundraising stamp where the extra cash goes toward a good cause?

\rant off